If we can advocate for ourselves in the
A colleague of mine from the birth world posted a blog yesterday written by a Mom upset by the actions of her doula. She felt the doula overstepped into medical advice that led her astray and ultimately placed her and her baby in danger. These stories are not new to the profession. In truth, these are exactly the stories that cause the word Doula to strike fear into the hearts of many birth professionals.

The day before I met with a colleague of mine from the sex world.  We were discussing ways to incorporate the topic of Sexual Agency into our Holistic Peer Counseling for Sex curriculum.  How can we use the HPC curriculum to support participants to better identify what they want sexually and to feel more empowered to have their desires met? At the end of our meeting we discussed the possibility of creating a workshop focused solely on supporting people to connect with their own Inner Sexual Agent.

I responded to the blog post yesterday by reiterating a point I make often, that stories like this remind us of why we doulas need to make sure our focus is on helping Moms find THEIR way into Motherhood and not OUR way. In my opinion this is my role as a doula.  I am the person focused on helping you wade through the flurry of information, thoughts and emotions that come with the transition from Maiden to Mother to help you find You!  “What do you think about that?” and “How do you feel about that?” must be two of the most common statements I use as a doula.

As I contemplated the blog in the shower, I thought of a point I make in Sexuality and Birth: if we can advocate for ourselves in the bedroom, we are more prepared to advocate for ourselves in the birth room.  I could turn that around as well and say: if we can advocate for ourselves in the birth room, we are more prepared to advocate for ourselves in the bedroom.  And there we have it.  What we are doing when we reclaim our births is that we are reclaiming our sex.  Birth is one of the most potent ways we women can reclaim our sexuality.   As doulas we are supporting this to happen.  We are supporting women to come further into their sexual power.

When we stand in the role of Birth Doula, we are indeed standing in the role of supporting women to further develop their sense of sexual agency.  We support them to come into themselves during one of the most heightened sexual experiences of their lives.  After all this contemplation, I think perhaps I may start to play around with a new title.  I think I may start to call myself a Sexual Agency Doula.  Is anyone else interested in being a Sexual Agency Doula??

About the author

Community.Relationship.Intimacy.Sex.Birth and so much more. Do you know how to find yourself and the space between you and another? Nekole can help you find your way. One small warning....Nekole has been known to change lives!