Are we ready to integrate the boundaries


I blamed my mother. Didn’t you? Do you still? It is so handy isn’t it? And people seem so happy to support us in our choice to blame our mothers don’t they? If life is hard, it must be because our mothers failed us in some way, right?


I had the great fortune of recovering from trauma in my late 20s. That process allowed me to pull from deep within myself a strength I wish everyone could access. Part of my reclaiming involved an end to blaming my mother. I allowed myself to see her as human. I allowed myself to see her challenges and to feel empathy for her struggles. I came to feel how in truth, she gave me the best of what she had and truly no one person can actually give me everything I deserve. As I went through this process, my mother actually reestablished her place in my psyche as my Shero. As I healed my insides and regained my power I became aware of how amazing my mother really is.


Then I became a mother. Holy WOW!! Now I am who is blamed. I am blamed if my child’s existence interrupts another’s peace. I am blamed if I desire more than another can give me because I am so famished from giving. I am blamed for having children. I am fairly certain that part of my children’s development will involve blaming me. I can even be pretty sure people will back my kids up when they heap on the blame. It is just what we seem to do.


Mothers are quite an easy scapegoat. For the most part we are busy and exhausted. What a better victim? Our attention is limited and stretched. Carving out minutes of attention for ourselves is a chore. Using our attention to stand up for ourselves seems a bit like climbing Mt. Everest. In fact it is a whole lot like climbing an internal Mt. Everest to break down such an ingrained social pattern as blaming Mom.


But maybe we can do it together. Today, I am inviting you to join me in celebrating Mother’s Day by taking a 24hr hiatus from blaming Mom. What if we didn’t blame her for anything? What affect would it have on the collective psyche if even for one day there was a moratorium on this fairly fruitless practice. As I said to a young teenager not too long ago, “You could continue to blame your mother for everything, but in truth, whatever she has passed to you is now yours. What you really have to ask yourself is what you are going to do with what you have?” Let’s take a day and just work with what we have and leave the blame behind, shall we?  I hope you will join me in my experiment? If you would be willing to report back on how it is for you, that would be even better!


Happy Mother’s Day to all!!!

~~You just don't realize how many self indulgent thoughts you have until you have children to steal them away from you.~~ @FB/NekoleShapiro

About the author

Community.Relationship.Intimacy.Sex.Birth and so much more. Do you know how to find yourself and the space between you and another? Nekole can help you find your way. One small warning....Nekole has been known to change lives!